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2002-12-18
ive been having panic attacks again. this round has been triggered by all the stupid recorder calls ive had to answer and a horrible nightmare that i had the other night. i dreamt that my dad was dead. i dont remember how he died, i suppose, really, that that part doesn't really matter. what matters is that it freaked me out so bad that i would get flashbacks of it during the day and it made me start crying like 4 times. not mention all nauseous and headachey and cranky. i also made muffins last night. they ended up knida sticky. i think next time i make them, which may be tonight, hard telling what i will do, i think i will not put them in paper cups, but bake them directly in the pan. i think that make a difference. but then again, the recipe had canned fruit in in and sometimes that stickiness happens, you know. *sighs* or maybe i'll say fuck it and sit around and not do anything all night. again. hard telling. i get to come in 4 hours late tomorrow to make up for the fact that i had to work the day after thanksgiving. whee. nah, that's not so bad, although, i would have preferred coming home 4 hours early. but no one asked me. but please dont get me wrong, i am excited about being able to sleep in an extra four hours. ahhhhh.... i think after the new year starts im going to look for a new job. im really tired of this place. that is, if i dont get the job at butler. i think they probably going to fire the crazy woman. that kinda pisses me off because they sounded like they totally were, but the impression i got on monday was that it was a long time coming or not at all. now that her daughter goes to school there i doubt really that she will quit. i dont know.... i almost fell asleep at my desk this afternoon. the book im reading right now isnt that good and so i put it down and laid my head on my desk. when the phone rang, it kinda jarred me. my vision was all blurred and i was starting to drool. yeah... im cool. must remember to bring fudge in tomorrow.
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